My name is Michele Connolly and I spent much of my adult life feeling like a misfit.
After leaving corporate to complete a Bachelor of Psychology and write a thesis on personality and happiness I discovered: Weirdness, they name is introversion. Maybe there’s a sprinkling of charmingly neurotic thrown in there too.
In case you’re interested in such things, I also have a business degree (full disclosure – I literally fell asleep in a microeconomics exam), life-coaching qualification, and post-grad studies in business and professional writing. I’ve been interviewed on radio, spoken at conferences, and won awards for my psych studies.
You can read my coming-out-as-an-introvert story here.
My Louder Minds blog and Facebook community have helped tens of thousands of introverts around the world to embrace their introvert personalities, celebrate their strengths, and enjoy their pleasures – though quietly, and in a well-planned way.
I’m also a minimalist, over-thinker, sharer of micro-epiphanies, embracer of personal weirdness, and author of How To Be An Introvert In An Extrovert World.
Welcome
We don’t have to hug or shake hands, and there’s no need for small talk.
But, you know, you’re welcome here.
Thanks for this website. I’m an introvert and an HSP (double whammy) and have struggled for so long to accept myself as both, not to mention actually liking who I am. I still get a lot of negative feedback from people who don’t understand these traits…I work in higher Ed but it’s still seen as negative to be a quiet (slow-to-process-and-then-formulate-a-reply) person. Even my mom still brushes it off & tells me to get a backbone (I’m 37)! Any advice for daily navigation through these scenarios in an attempt to continue to accept myself? Thank you 🙂
Hi Liz. I think accepting yourself is a stage that you will work through for a little while, as you navigate new situations through the lens of being an introvert. But as you do, you’ll find a much greater sense of peace, and self-acceptance – and genuine happiness. At least that’s how it’s been for me and the introverts I’ve discussed this with.
You might also find these particular articles helpful:
Is Your Introvert Soul Getting Crushed In An Extravert World? Here’s What You Need To Know…: http://louderminds.com/introvert-personality-need-know/
Coming Out As An Introvert: http://louderminds.com/coming-out-as-an-introvert/
Please do let me know how you get on…
M
Thanks Michele. Great articles! I guess I also feel like although I understand myself more now (& so live my life the way I want to more now), it’s almost impossible to get others to understand me. I’ve become more at ease with being quiet & serious, but a lot of people in my life see it as me “losing it” or “becoming more withdrawn” or “you used to be so happy…what’s wrong with you?” When I’m happier than I’ve ever been. What can I do to make them understand? If I should even try? Thanks 🙂
OK I think these two will help – the first one for you, the second one for them. Let me know!
No, You DON’T Need To Come Out Of Your Shell, Put Yourself Out There, Or Do What Others Say
7 Things You Should Know About Introverts: A Guide For Friends, Loved Ones, And Colleagues
Hope you get this reply Liz….All these years later.
I too am an Introvert, HSP, and Empath of sorts.
I only discovered the term HSP when I was 50….nine years ago. A couple of years ago I realized I was an introvert and just recently in therapy ( with an HSP/Empath therapist) I have started to come to terms with being somewhat of an emotional/ energetic Empath.
The more you can learn about your HSP and Introvert traits the stronger your confidence will become. If you can find at least one HSP acquaintance to chat and connect with, this will really help. I discovered my father’s cousin’s wife is HSP and what a wonderful gift this is. We talk and understand each other completely. We don’t need to explain or justify who we are.
I hope things are going better with your mother. It is painful when someone who is suppose to accept us for who we are gives us a hurtful comment.
Thanks
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Michele, I love you! It’s so refreshing to know that there are people out there who “get me”!
I am a proud, card-carrying introvert. As soon as I heard that we are only 25% of the population (not sure if that’s a verifiable fact) I embraced that as a sign of how special we are.
My dad, a businessman, would force me to schmooze when I was a young teenager. You can understand what a horrendous experience that was!
I loved your article “All Peopled Out”. My friends are always disappointed when I need to leave a party early especially at how quickly I can switch from enjoyment to being panicked about needing to leave.
They are always happy though when my penchant for “scanning and processing external stimuli” means never getting lost.
I’m lookimg forward to my weekly emails from you!
Thank you Michele (what a lovely name!) for your very kind comment. Given that introversion-extroversion is a scale, it’s hard to say how many of us there are. I’ve seen estimates of up to 50% of the population, but I’m guessing that includes anyone this side of extroversion. For those of us who are more extreme (the ones who relate to the stuff on this blog) the proportion would be much smaller. I’m so glad you survived your adolescent schmoozing ordeal, though you probably have painful flashbacks whenever anyone says ‘networking event’. 😮
Michele I stumbled upon the fb for this wonderful site and also joined the AMAZING fb group. Amazing community you have brought together! I would love to help in any way possible! If you have any opportunities I’d love to hear about them.
It IS amazing, isn’t it Brandi! Thank you for your kind offer – I’ll keep you in mind. 🙂
I just stumbled across thus blog and it is describing me!! I am not the only one! Sometimes I just have to creep away from my spouse and child and just have some peace and quiet before I. Lose. My. Mind. And I am not the only one. And sometimes I can be having a great time with friends but then nope, I need to go home. Now. Looking forward to diving in to all of the content on here, thanks Michele
My pleasure Alice! Thank you for sharing your experience as well – I’m sure it’s helping someone else who feels just the same.
Hi Michelle,
Curious about how you obtained the photo of me playing the little Devil Character, Dagon, in the show I was in for 11 years at Le Reve-The Dream here at the Wynn Hotel.
Not fussed about the usage, but if you’d like to credit me in the photo that would be a real nice gesture. I know images get used all the time, and I think it really suits the content of the piece you shared. Again just curious how the image was obtained, I know there are several over the years on many different sites.
All the best,
Ryan
Hi Ryan. Do you mean the one here: http://louderminds.com/introverts-9-circles-hell/ ?
All the images I use are either purchased licenses or used under Creative Commons, with or without attribution required – and if the former then the attribution is at the bottom of the post. If the photo in question is the one I’ve linked to, then you’ll see the attribution as required at the bottom of the post, and I’m pasting it here as well: “I was walking among the fires of Hell, delighted with the enjoyments of Genius; which to Angels look like torment and insanity” – William Blake by gags9999 under CC by 2.0
However I have other suitable images and am very happy to change it if you like – let me know.
Hi again, Ryan. I feel a bit uneasy about this, as it’s one of my most popular posts and is even about to be included in a book.
So I’ve changed the image – just in case there’s any issue between you and the copyright holder.
PS You looked great in that shot! VERY devilish!
Awesome articles!
Thank you kindly Shiri! 🙂
“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”. Our mind is rarely content with the present moment. It likes to dwell in the past or future where longing, regret, and worry reign supreme.
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I thought I was going mad and possibly loosing my grip to some low level mental health issue. And then I found your site. Thank you – for putting into words how I feel all day long – and letting me know I am normal. There is one comment by another reader that really saved my sanity – even my own lovely kids can be “other people”. I will be looking forward every Friday to your newsletters.
You are normal! It’s wonderful actually, when you realise it’s all about managing your psychological resources and bing careful with your people battery.
See you next Friday! 🙂
I found your blog through Becoming Minimalist and I’m so glad I did! I just recently started embracing being an introvert and have realized what hell I was put through growing up with parents trying to “change” me or tell me that I need to work on my social skills. I’m very nice and get along with everyone, and I know their concerns were out of love and not fully understanding how to raise an introvert (even though they themselves are ones!). It’s just so nice to know that as an adult, how I’m feeling with everything associated with being an introvert is nothing to be ashamed of and I don’t need to change who I am! Thank you for your beautiful blog and helping to bring introverts into a positive light. 🙂
Oh Katie thank you for this lovely comment! And thank you for sharing your experience, because I’m sure all these stories help others. Welcome to our little community!
At 60 I have found my tribe through your blog. I’ve always known I was an introvert but friends, family & colleagues viewed that as an abnormal condition that needed to be changed. It is a painful path as a child when you don’t have the maturity or support to navigate a noisy world. I worked for 25 years in a busy medical office, within a hospital, and often wished I would catch an infectious virus for which I would be quarantined in a hospital bed for a month (car accident scenario)! We should not feel guilty as parents when we include our kids when talking about the ‘noise’. You’re a better parent when you build in alone time to refresh yourself. Out of necessity when my kids were young, I became a night owl and remain so in retirement. When the night sky goes dark and I enter the spare room I’ve dubbed the ‘introvert zone’, my husband & daughter know that this is my alone time. Pure bliss! Your writing is priceless, many thanks!
Thank you for your kind words! And thank you for sharing your story. I always feel sad to hear of the pain we go through before realising there’s actually nothing wrong with us. How wonderful though that we know now. 🙂 And how wonderful that your husband and daughter respect your introvert zone – love the name, too! I wonder how many night owls are simply introverts grabbing alone time the only way they can… Welcome to our tribe. 🙂
I’m so glad I stumbled on your page! For a while, I’ve been feeling like I don’t fit in with people and just very particular in general. So far, I’m loving everything I’ve read!
Welcome Liily! And thank you! We embrace our personal weirdness here. 🙂
Hi Michele, I just stumbled across your website and I’m so glad I did! I didn’t always know that I was an introvert until maybe two years ago when I went through a whole phase of trying to find myself and taking every quiz known to man to better educate myself on how I operate (INFJ, melancholy/choleric, etc!) Growing up I always felt I was more of an extrovert around my friends and didn’t think too much of it until I hit my mid 20s and realized just how little I really do connect with people and much prefer a night in than going to a social gathering. I wouldn’t call myself unfriendly but I do feel uncomfortable in certain scenarios and would rather stay in the background than be in the spotlight. I wouldn’t change who I am in this regard but the only problem I’m facing right now is I have just started up a new online business and am having a hard time really putting myself out there and being noticed. I love my business and it’s a real passion project for me but I would love any pointers you might have with trying to be successful as an introverted businesswoman!
Welcome, Stephanie! And what a great question. Being an introvert and putting myself out there online is something I’ve really struggled with, to be honest. Even putting my photo up (I’m usually the one TAKING the picture to avoid being IN the picture). And especially recently, when my Facebook group grew very quickly to more than 10,000 people and the demands of responding to everyone became exhausting. I’ll put some thoughts together into an article over the next couple of weeks, and post a reply here with a link. Thanks for the food for thought!
I found your website through Joshua Becker’s “Becoming Minimalist” site and I love it. Thank you and please don’t stop writing and sharing!
Welcome Cindy! And thank you for your lovely words. 🙂
Michele, I have a question, and not sure if you have answered it before, or even if it is of any interest to you, but – is there any connection between introversion and a tendency to be spiritually-minded or religious?
Hi Marcie. I’m not aware of research on this connection, but introverts are generally more ‘reflective’. I don’t know whether this translates into anything spiritual/religious. I can tell you from the Louder Minds Facebook group of more than 10,000 people that we have many religious people and atheists in there. And they are very talkative!
Thank you Michele for this website. As an introvert and a HSP, I have for many years struggled with my own persona, feeling like a misfit on almost a daily basis in this heavily extroverted world. Working in sales has certainly not helped, but after finally fully accepting myself as an introvert, I have been able to find a way to just be more happy. Looking forward to whats to come on LouderMinds.com.
Welcome, Mads!
There are so many of us who’ve lived much of our lives as faux extroverts, trying to fit in, and feeling a soul-longing to find a different kind of happiness. Working in sales, you’re wise to be in touch with your deeper self – I imagine that makes it easier to manage your limited people battery.
Thank you for visiting!
Dear Michele, thank you so much for this blog. I really needed to see this today after a crazy weekend of concerts with my choir! I love them dearly, but am in dire need of vacation now, which I cannot afford at the moment. Coming from a large, loud, amazingly extroverted family, I needed almost 30 years to finally come to grips with my introversion. Against all evidence (I’ve always been a highly sensitive, book-loving, musical, daydreaming, constantly unfocused girl), everyone around me taught me that I am an extrovert. They simply did not know better and never meant any harm by doing this. However, I needed a complete breakdown including a phase of major depression to see through this mess. Even two years later I am far from where I want to be, but so much happier already, finally being able to embrace my difference. It feels as if suddenly everything falls into place and I feel “whole” for the first time in my life. Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts!
I’m sorry it’s taken such time and pain, Franziska, but how wonderful that you’re now on a path of self-understanding and self-acceptance. I’m grateful for your story, as it not only makes me happy I started this blog, but I know comments like yours are very reassuring to others, too. Thank you.
Michele, I identify with so much of your story. I come from a family of introverts but married into and extrovert family! My husband and family are wonderful but after 6 years of marriage and reading the info you provide I finally understand. I work in a corporate environment and I struggled to understand why every evening and weekend I need to be in my personal quiet space, why I enjoy dinners with one or two friends but tend to dread anything more and always look forward to coming home to the quiet solitude, why I love to run and be in my own headspace, why I am perfectly content with my alone time where my husband – a musician no less!- needs to be around others and in the midst of a lot of activity. Thank you so much for this site and thank for helping me to see this as a personality trait and not a disorder. Some extroverts would look and tell me I’m depressed or that something is wrong with enjoying solitude more than a rowdy party but now I realize it’s just me and finding this out at 49 helped me to finally understand and my family. My mom passed last year and I now realize she was the same. She was perfectly content to be home reading or watching TV, if she went out to gatherings she was ready to come back home to her personal space. I get it now. Thank you!
So….can someone please help me decide what I am (not that I necessarily need a label for everything, but I’d really be interested to know in this case)? I’m extremely outgoing in my job and life in the outside world–so very not shy! I’m a nurse and musician, have no problem walking into a crowded room, meeting people, public speaking, etc. However, I love my own company and am such a home-body. I love simplicity and minimalism. I love my immediate family, but still love time even without them (as long as I know they’re safe), and my favourite companion is my dog. Someone said I’m an extrovert, and need alone time to recharge (because of my “public” life, I guess), but what does everyone think? I’m curious.
I would like to subscribe to Your newsletter, but it does not work.
A fault message occurs every time.
I’m so sorry about that Jan – we’ve fixed it now. Thanks for letting me know!
Thank You Michele.