Introvert Movie Database: If Films Were About Introverts

Susan Cain points out that ‘in our society, the ideal self is bold, gregarious, and comfortable in the spotlight’.

That’s the typical movie protagonist, too. Totally out there, being adventurous, socialising with less-attractive, quip-making friends, probably not spending a lot of on-screen time reading books or doing puzzles.

But let me ask you this: Have you ever wondered how differently events would unfold if a movie protagonist were an introvert?

Me neither! At least until now.

Here’s how I think movies in the Introvert Movie Database might go…

Risky Business

Introverted teen’s parents leave him alone in the house for the weekend. He is full of hormones. Much internet downloading ensues. He also reads business books and binge-watches Netflix. At the end of the weekend the parents come home and wonder where all the tissues have gone. Young man learns that too much private internet time can be risky. The End.

Dead Poets Society

Young introverted fellow has inspiring but unorthodox new teacher who, it turns out, was once a member of a secret Dead Poets Society. Although the boy is intrigued, he’s not into joining groups so does not attempt to re-start the club. The teacher imparts wisdom and the boys thrive, content to read their poetry quietly and separately, in their own rooms. No one gets fired and no one dies. No desks are mistreated. The End.

Frozen

Introverted princess has cryokinetic powers. Parents confine her to her room until she can wield her ice magic with greater control. She enjoys the solitude and makes no effort to improve, happy to stay in her room with her laptop and icicle art. A typical introvert, she has a tendency to overthink things so sings ‘Let It Go’ to herself. Otherwise she is content. The End.

Casablanca

An expatriate American has a busy nightclub in Casablanca. As an introvert he finds the club too noisy, crowded, and rambunctious. Consequently he hires a small office in a quiet part of town where he does accounts, weekly orders, and staff payroll. He never hears the words ‘letters of transit’. He used to love a girl during the war but rarely thinks of her now. He develops a lovely bromance with a local police captain, another introvert whom he meets at a screening of The Usual Suspects. The End.

The Sixth Sense

Introverted kid sees dead people but won’t speak to them because he doesn’t like strangers. Especially dead ones. The kid has a sixth sense that the dead people will eventually give up on him. They do. The End.

Strangers On A Train

Two people, both with a motive to kill someone in their lives, take the same long train journey.  As they are both introverts they have books, phones, iPads, and earbuds to help them avoid contact with strangers. They never speak, remaining forever strangers on a train. The End.

Titanic

An introverted woman cannot think of anything worse than being trapped on a ship with thousands of strangers and forced into small talk. She decides instead to stay home and read, and meets a cute guy at the bookstore when they both reach for a hardcover on icebergs. They find true love and no one dies and no Celine Dion is played. The End.

Dial M For Murder

An introverted woman’s husband devises an ingenious plot to kill her. The scheme requires her to answer the phone at a pre-arranged time when the killer will be ready to strike and the husband will have a rock-solid alibi. However the husband realises his introverted wife will do anything to avoid talking on the phone, so he abandons his perfect murder and resorts instead to divorce. The woman finds she enjoys living alone and develops a fondness for Hermes Kelly bags. The End.

The Constant Gardener

An introverted minor British diplomat in Kenya takes great pleasure in his horticultural hobby. Through a series of flashbacks the mystery of how he started his garden is revealed. Although it soon emerges that a multinational pharmaceutical company did very bad things, he is determined to cultivate the best garden in Kenya, with no thought for the consequences. The End.

Got more ideas for titles in the Introvert Movie Database? Share them in the comments below!