Introvert Dennis Brewer has got party-going nailed.

If I walk back and forth between the conversations in the kitchen and the living room for a little while and go back to the bathroom one more time, then I’ll have been here long enough to tell the host that I have some work to finish up before bed and that I should probably get going. Then it’s just a matter of slipping on my shoes and waiting to tie them until I get out the door so that not too many people see me leaving and ask why I’m heading out so soon.

Other party-survival strategies employed by the intrepid introvert include:

  • Quietly examining items around the apartment
  • Standing on the periphery of others’ discussions
  • Walking away under the pretence of needing to refill his cup of beer
  • Circling repeatedly around the table of hors d’oeuvres to appear occupied
  • Pretending to text friends
  • Sifting through a pile of coats on the host’s bed as if having trouble locating his jacket.

Great effort, Dennis! If you can’t actually cancel plans then this game-plan is a good one.

Read the whole compelling article here: http://www.theonion.com/article/report-only-20-minutes-until-introverted-man-gets–35507