I’m not proud of this, but I’ve done some not-very-nice things to preserve my introvert sanity.
Okay maybe I’m a little proud of a couple of them. Or at least, I’ve made peace with the fact that I was doing my best at the time.
A couple are one-off offences but most are examples of social infractions I’ve committed many, many times.
Anyway, I’m owning up to these questionable antics in the hope that you can make peace with your own introvert tendencies. Or possibly to trade ideas. I’m not sure yet. Depends what you guys come up with.
11 Things I’ve Done To Keep My Introvert Sanity
#1
Ducked into a store to avoid someone I knew on the street because I didn’t want to chit-chat. Grabbed something off the rack and fled into a change room when I thought they might be peering in the window to see if it was me. Later returned the iridescent green jumpsuit to the sales assistant, whispering It’s a little snug for me as I left.
#2
Snuck out of an expensive social event without saying goodbye after only 10 minutes because it was too loud and crowded to have a genuine conversation with anyone. Made the taxi driver wait while I picked up KFC on the way home. Consoled myself with a bucket of Hot & Spicy until I felt whole again. Also a little ill.
#3
Felt cranky about having to attend an event I had organised in the first place. Instantly regretted my crazy and short-lived bout of sociability. Resented everyone for backing me into a corner by selfishly and thoughtlessly accepting my invitation.
#4
Accepted an invitation and then cancelled plans at the last moment after an extended period of self-searching, self-justification, and general self-loathing. Repeated the cycle endlessly for years, with complete amnesia every time.
#5
Manifested genuine illnesses of varying virulence and closeness to death in order to have a legitimate excuse for above plan-cancelling. Gave small, Norma Desmond-like sighs from my convalescent couch as I recuperated from my bubonic symptoms.
#6
Spent entire dinner parties talking to the hosts’ kids. Texted hosts the following day to apologise for several inappropriate things that had been said. By the kids, I mean. Sheesh, kids today!
#7
Stole a bottle of champagne and hung out with fishermen on their boat to escape yet more socialising at a corporate team-building weekend. Sang Sister Golden Hair with the fisherdudes. Was asked to stop. Nicely, though. They were polite fisherdudes and to be fair you probably need your ears to stop bleeding if you want to focus on catching fish.
#8
Pretended not to understand the instructions when told to find a partner in a group fitness class. Fostered a confused look when asked to form a circle. Maintained an expression for the rest for the class that suggested recent and not entirely successful brain surgery so people would keep their distance.
#9
*Accidentally* elbowed the person next to me at a play when I felt he was in my personal space. Vehemently denied it when my husband, frowning and rubbing his arm in confusion, asked what I did that for.
#10
Faked an elaborate coughing and sneezing fit when someone looked like they were going to sit next to me at a not-very-crowded movie. Glared passive-aggressively at them when they sat there anyway. Was so distracted by my intense program of huffing and glaring that I missed most of the movie. Fortunately it was Glitter so I totally won that one.
#11
Set up an extended perimeter in an uncrowded body pump class so nobody could set up too close to me. Fashioned my boundary from excess weights and spare bars. Looked nonplussed when the class finished and it turned out I had no use for all that extra equipment.
How about you?
Any introvert tips confessions to share?
Ahhh, so nice to be understood! I’ve done them all except for the last two. I will be adding those last two things to my bucket list!
Hi Michele (nice name!). You’ll love #11. I did it just today. 🙂
I really don’t understand people who walk into a cinema/theatre/venue that is half empty and proceed to sit right next to someone who is sitting alone. Why? Or people who board a bus/train, lots of seats available, but they then plank down next to you. I think it’s rude and obnoxious behaviour for them to do that. When I have been in a situation like this I have actually got up and walked away to another seat.
It’s bewildering, James! That’s why I’m working on invention #7: Cinema Seat Allocator http://louderminds.com/18-introvert-inventions/ :p
I agree completely and have done the exact same thing!!
I usually spend the majority of my “social event” time talking to any dogs, cats, or even the occasional tortoise to avoid human interaction. I also wear sunglasses when walking outside so I can avoid eye contact if I see someone I know. If confronted about this later, I can say I simply didn’t see them. This is also the reason I own no less than 6 pairs of earbuds so I’m never without a set in public. I will never understand why it is not okay to just do a polite head nod and go your separate ways.
Desiree I would love to have a pet tortoise!
PS I hear you on those earbuds!!
Adding on to the theater, why, in a public bathroom with TONS of open stalls, do people sit next to your one occupied one? Go. Away.
It’s a head-scratcher, Sabrina. I’m actually writing an article on some of the theories I’ve come up with over the years. If you have any insights let me know!
I have often wondered this myself. I take great care to go several stalls down from a long throne-sitter if I can, only to have some insensitive clod burst and sit right next to me.
I suppose if someone were willing to, she could make loud imitation bodily function noises so nobody cared to come near the stall. Screaming out “Mercy, mercy! would help as well.
Laughed out loud, really loud, reading these and totally scared my introverted dog away. I am guilty of every single one, except the KFC part because I’m allergic. But I did do just that with McDonalds.
Thanks for telling me this, Cynthia as I love to make people laugh. Yes I want to help introverts make peace with themselves yada yada. But laughter is the secret real aim – shhh! 😛
Yes! I have manifested a host of last minute illnesses and cancelled plans to stay at home. But I have an even better super power. It is the uber helpful guest super power. See if you are at a party at someone’s house and you offer to help out in the kitchen, cleaning up, chopping something, feeding or changing the baby, getting another bottle of wine etc then you are always busy. People THINK you are social because you are seen moving around constantly and so they miss that you are not really speaking with any of them as you furiously clear the table, put food into tupperware, wipe down counters etc. This all falls apart at catered events and events at restaurants – at that point I apply something from the list 🙂
Love your super power, Maria! Thanks for sharing it. 🙂
Did the same thing at a wedding.
When I was in my 20s and 30s (actually, even in my teens), and actively dating, I would make up excuses for why I couldn’t be ready to go out at any given time, but needed another hour. It was kind of on principle …
Once I became self-employed, I had a much readier excuse: I had a report to finish. It was hard for a guy to insist on my presence when I “had to work” a little longer on behalf of a client who was paying me.
I still try to add an extra hour prior to my appearance at any social event … it gives me a bit of a buffer against what I know is going to drain my energy. I recently started fostering a dog, and needing to go to the rescue’s foster/adoption showcases. After being totally exhausted after doing two of these, I decided that in the future, I will arrive at least a half-hour after the official start (to avoid some of the set-up chaos) and I will leave 90 minutes later. Three hours is just too long and too much hub-bub for me, and for my foster dog.
Isn’t it funny how we crate these little rules for ourselves, to help us manage the people-ness. Thanks for sharing your experience. 🙂
I have taken two jackets to the theater to put on the seats on either side of me.
Love it, Jo! Until I perfect my cinema seat allocator (invention #7 here: 18 Amazing Inventions For Introverts I Am Currently Working On), your strategy is the only sane one.
I have turned off the lights and television to avoid unannounced visitors. I actually sit on the floor in the corner of my dining room where there are no windows, so I cannot not be detected until they retreat.
Lol good strategy Kelly!
This is FANTASTIC!!! I had a few good laughs! You are giving me cause to rethink some things I’ve told myself. I know I’m an introvert, but I think I’ve mislabeled myself plenty of times, calling myself unsociable or rude when I avoid other people in public, but now I’m seeing that I’m simply introverted, and that’s how “we” are. And it’s OK.
I also needed to read this TONIGHT, as tomorrow is a party at a friend’s house that I’ve spent hours this week trying to figure out how I can get out of it short of lying about my health or something. I’ve wondered what’s wrong with me as these are very dear friends, but the party agenda and hours are so long, and I won’t know everyone there, and I just want a day to myself, etc, etc. Thank you for helping me to understand that it’s not that I’m selfish or unloving, I’m just an introvert and that’s how “we” are! Thanks Michele!
Gail
Oh Gail this made me smile! Your friend’s party tomorrow and the turmoil of trying to escape it is a situation I know only too well – it made me write this, which I think you’ll relate to: The 5 Stages Of Cancelling Plans
Welcome to our world, Gail! It’s pretty cool, actually, once we realise where we are. 🙂
Aaaaah brilliant!!!!! I’ve done every single one, including sticking out my butt at the pay point to keep trolley-snuggling idiots off my turf, placing piles of magazines I have no intention of reading all around me to keep people from sharing my table at the coffee shop, never ever sitting on a sofa EVER at a social event, sprinting into an empty lift and furiously pushing the door-close button to keep everyone else out, faking a cough when asked to “turn around and greet the person behind you” at church, lying about having flu when expected to shake hands, deliberately arriving late to avoid the meet and greet opening of a seminar and making speedy and continuous circles around our company exhibition-booth to avoid dealing with clients……….got fired!!
Yes, Karl! I’ve nearly given myself RSI from jabbing that DOOR CLOSE button. And I seem to have a constant bout of the faux flu you speak of. 😛
My husband and I are both introverts (so convenient!) and we like to go camping. It’s nice to get out into nature and peace and quiet. Well, until someone decides to plop their tent in the site right next to yours when the campground isn’t even very full. Ugh. Why do people do this? We don’t want to hear you snoring at night. Please go away!
Oh yes Jen, WHY! It’s so frustrating!