All Peopled Out: How To Recharge If You're An Introvert

If you’re an introvert, then you’re probably familiar with something I call introvert overload. It’s the feeling that everybody wants a piece of you. The sense that you just can’t get enough space from people. The deep, soul-longing for solitude.

I think of it as a kind of psychological claustrophobia, like the walls are closing in and you can’t. quite. breathe.

You might even feel guilty too, because some of the people from whom you want space are your loved ones. Maybe even your spouse. Maybe even *appalled, judgemental gasp* your children.

Seriously, what kind of monster are you? What kind of two-headed, scaly, satan-beast?

In fact you are a garden-variety introvert monster. Single-headed, unscaled, 100% satan-free.

Also known as a person who, compared to extraverts, has a higher baseline level of arousal, and uses more mental resources in scanning and processing external stimuli.

Which makes you more sensitive to light, noise, and especially people. Which causes you to become easily overstimulated. Which makes you quick to tire of all the stimulation and desperate to retreat to a sanctuary where you can turn down the psychological volume.

In other words, the monstrosity inside you way your brain works makes you prone to experience introvert overload.

Introvert Overload: When You Hate Everybody Feel All Peopled Out

I’ve become good at recognising small clues that I’m heading into the throes of introvert overload. Subtle, tiny hints give it away.

Like when a stranger comes up and asks me a question without saying ‘excuse me’ and suddenly I’m filled with a homicidal rage and I begin planning how I might murder them and cleverly dispose of their body. I’ve watched all of The Wire and The Sopranos so my fantasies are both detailed and filled with authentic, possibly vaguely racist, dialogue.

Or if someone tries to do something nice for me but they’re in my space while doing the nice thing and mentally I’m saying, This guy.

That’s when I know I’ve reached maximum people level and the sirens are screeching and I need to find a way to regain my sense of equanimity.

But how?

What would be awesome is if introverts could recharge like Seven of Nine – just plug in to a Borg alcove and power down and regenerate. No one would be offended. No explanation would be needed. No questions of What’s wrong? would have to be fielded. We wouldn’t feel compelled to apologize for needing what to us is as essential as sleep or air or chocolate.

But where do we introverts find our introvert regeneration alcoves?

Finding Your Introvert Sanctuary

Extraverts might regenerate with social events, drinks with friends, parties, team sports, adventurous activities, something stimulating. These choices might help them relax, unwind, forget their troubles, feel good.

But for us introverts it can be more complicated.

Especially because we can’t just go to something, we also need to get away from people.

Especially if years of being introverts in an extravert world have made us think we should feel refreshed by going out or hanging with friends. Or doing the things we see other people doing to unwind. Things that only make us crave space more.

For example, a while ago I thought a massage would be a good way to refresh myself, so I scheduled an appointment. But the massage dude kept chatting, being friendly, and constantly asking really irritating, intrusive questions like Is this pressure ok? Can you turn over now please? I spent the whole time clenching everything in an attempt to silently communicate For the love of Pete PLEASE STOP TALKING. It was horrendously unrelaxing.

At the end he told me I was very tight and should book in for regular massage appointments so I could loosen up more. :O